It's one thing after another with me! Whew! First off, I've been busy finding a new apartment; I now live with a nice middle aged hispanic lady uptown in the heights. So instead of being in the Upper West Side, where all the food is expensive. I live somewhere where things are a bit more reasonable. To give you an idea of the area I mean, let me help you visually...
It seems far but really, it's only a 30 min subway ride. Which it took about 20-30 mins to get anywhere in NYC anyways. My roommate is very sweet and she makes me feel welcomed and comfortable. :) Apparently, she had some trouble with other people who've lived with her before, but she told me "Every bad there is a little good and you are my good. Because God brought you to me."
Now, for the place where God has been really working...
I've been realizing slowly over time that even though I love theatre and dance, where my passion really truly is buried is performing...Acting. I like to dance and can, but it's not the same joy that acting is and singing is inbetween. I've been told over and over at my school, "You should do film." "You'd be great on camera." "Your work is something that others can't reciprocate." And little by little I started to realize what I needed to do. But seriously?! Me?! FILM?! I kinda suppressed this urge and thought to myself, "Nah, that's a bit too crazy. It's very hard to get in the movies and become a successful actor. And plus then you'd be a star and you'd have to deal with paparazzi and that just seems to wild to ever become true." So, naturally like so many others in the Bible have suppressed what God is telling them...He keeps telling you and saying "nope this is what I want". I AM happy in New York, but I did have this underlying uncertainty of what I was doing and where I'm suppose to go. But I just told myself, well that's show biz! But it just grew and God was trying to tell me something.
Finally, I talked to one of my teachers, my musical theatre teacher. She said that she knew from the moment she met me that I was suppose to do film. She didn't know why but she just knew, but didn't say anything because she wanted to see where my growth went that semester and people tend to change a bit when they work, especially when they are young, to figure out what they want and what they are doing. She explained to me how she wanted to do film, but it just wasn't meant for her and she had to learn that. She said, "It takes a certain unique and interesting person to do film. I studied them trying to make it happen for myself and so I know. But your work is so much of you understanding the character and TRULY KNOWING as opposed to just choreographing a song and dance." Which is true. There are so very many people here that would be great on stage. They embrace their character in their bodies and vocie, but what they are missing is the eyes. It's all in the eyes. If you KNOW and UNDERSTAND, you can tell in the eyes. And that is where my give really lies.
Which, duh, kinda seems to almost make sense. I mean I've been through so much in my 20 years of lifetime that could be in a book! I KNOW God was going to use it for good and to my advantage.
And frankly, some people just don't know how to understand a character and sometimes it's because they've never experienced anything like that situation. But me on the other hand, not only do I understand the concept of a situation but I have emotional connection and my life story to back up my acting. Which, believe it or not, is a HUGE difference. She also told me "Being here at school is a disservice, not because it has anything to do with your ability or work ethic, but cuz you aren't completely happy and you aren't going in the direction you need to be. Other students go to their final semester and need our help to get exposure. But you? You don't need our help. You need to start working and make it happen." I felt like it was the confirmation that I needed. I HAVE learned so much at this school and I have really come to love the process of digging into a script and character. I love evaluating someone's life and figuring out their emotions and feelings and why they make the decisions that they did. The whole character analysis is something I LOVE to do, which is one of the biggest parts of being an actor.
After talking to my teacher and mom, feeling like, "Ok God, I'll do it." And the plan then was to finish out the semester. I later after, went to Starbucks to get a coffee and I met this girl there. She just happened to work for MTV. I asked her a billion questions like "Where do you guys go to look for actors? How'd you get to the place you are at? What kinda coffee did you get?" etc. I found that at this point I need to do amateur stuff to get a feel for how to work on camera and she gave me a website that I can go to where people post actresses needed. And this is one of the secret legit places, not some average website like exploresearch.com, beastar.com, famousnow.com which is SCAM-city!!! But I felt like God is already putting people in my path to help me along. Another key element to ease my worry. I really do feel that this is the right path.
So where do I take it from here? Well, it IS hard to make it big and be a star. I have to build my resume and start a reel, which is a DVD of mini clips and scenes that I've done that a director and/or casting, agents, etc. could look at. I started researching auditions and opportunities that I could do those things. And come to find an audition for Disney for the part of Ariel. Though it almost seems silly, it is something on my bucket list to do. Just like I said I'm going to be on Saturday Night Live. So why would I want to pass that up? Problem--the audition is when I'm still in my current semester, not next semester where I would have started going to auditions. So, after some praying, I decided that I'm going to drop out of school now and just start auditioning and working. Now I know you may be thinking, "wait, I thought she didn't want to do theatre now...", which is not entirely true. It's just not what my goal is and what I'll be looking for. Plus, like I said before, this is on my bucket list. :)
I will be going to Florida on Sunday and staying with family there; the audition is Monday. I'll keep you all posted on what happens!
I also have applied to short films through this website that the girl at Starbucks told me about. And so keep your prayers on that as well as the Little Mermaid Audition.
It may seem surreal, but I know now that my dream and goal is to become a star on the big screen and make a difference. And I am at so much peace now that I've gotten that all sorted out. :)
